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Zevran. Have you been encouraging people to have their mothers killed so they don't have to get married?

Hello to you too, Alistair. And not precisely, I was asked a hypothetical question and gave a hypothetical answer.

Was it a hypothetical situation clearly based on a real one?

It is not as tho he can afford me.

Oh. You also offered to do it. Great.

It was a thought exercise. I am not going to actually kill Maxwell's mother.

I don't have near enough information to do so.

[ Alistair sighs. It's a genuine sigh, but he makes it intentionally louder to be sure it's picked up by the crystal. ]

Right. Well, if you get the information and he gets the money, I hope you find a third excuse. Or I can make one for you.

[ That's a threat. He's very threatening. Grrrr. ]

Gavin asked me to help Maxwell fake being a Warden, too.

If the worst the family is done is 'arrange a political marraige' for a child? They are not the sort I assassinate. I have standards for how ought to die, now. That is entirely your fault and I hope you are pleased with yourself.

...

He what?

I am, yes. Very pleased. And proud.

I said no. And then he asked if he--Gavin--if he could join in his place. Said no to that, too. Have you met this Maxwell? Is he incredibly handsome or something? Maybe a blood mage with Gavin in his thrall?

I have met him. He is handsome, but it is not blood magic that holds Gavin in thrall. It is sentiment. The fool elf has feelings for the noble. As though anything good can come from that.

Aww. That's sort of sweet, though, I think. I mean--doomed, for sure. But sweet.

And to be fair, nothing good ever seems to come from anything anymore. At all. Ever.

It'll get one of them killed and I am not going to clean it up.

[ He may or may not be muttering. ]

Nothing good comes from that sort of Sentiment, ever.

Sure you will. But I'll help. I'll bring a mop.

[ He pauses, because (1) the discussion about what happened last time Zevran had non-brotherly capital-F Feelings for anyone was recent enough that he isn't willing to make too light of things and (2) he doesn't want Zevran to crawl through the sending crystal and bite him or something, which at the moment seems like a reasonable fear. But he's very brave, so: ]

Well, I wouldn't really know. But I imagine something good does, sometimes, or people wouldn't keep doing it. Not elves and human nobles, maybe, but. Otherwise. There's companionship, and people to notice if you disappear, and maybe some little Zevrans.

No, no. If we clean up after their foolishness they will never learn better.

[ Now this was a turn he did not expect- if only because Alistair and he have an understanding about discussing serious things.

In that they don't.

It's a marvelous understanding. ]

I have you for all that save the making of little Zevrans. I do not need to make 'little zevrans'.

[ Drunk Zevran opened the door and now Sober Zevran has to deal with the consequences. ]

You don't need to. No one needs to. But it'd be really cute. Their little knives.

Were I to ever be overcome with some manner of madness and decide to start a family, I would not be giving my children knives. You are supposed to want them to have a better life than you did, yes?

[ He's quiet for a beat long enough to wonder where Morrigan is and if she's yet boiled and eaten the baby. ]

Toy ones. Wooden. Gifts from me, so you'd be heartless to throw them out.

And the rest of it--even if I'm around for a while, I'm not going to be around forever. And I need time to train my replacement.

Edited 2015-12-06 01:42 (UTC)

...I suppose I shall let them keep those. But this is still hypothetical and never going to happen.

[ Of course, then, he is cut to the quick with that reminder. ]

That is cheating, you bastard.

[ He laughs, because bastard. But only a little. ]

It's not cheating if it's true. Come on, Zev. I can't die properly if I'm worrying about you. I'll hang around too long and get all ghouly.

I am supposed to die first! We agreed. You are changing the terms of our agreement and I do not appreciate it.

Adequately crying and wailing at your funeral will be part of the training.

You are not going to give up on this foolishness, are you? I have my lovers, I have you, I have Isabella. What more do I need?

Me, but longer lived, and maybe with kissing.

Maybe I have another brother somewhere.

We've kissed.

More kissing. More tongue.

sometime

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