And I will always be handling them. Or another House of Assassins. Sentiment means being made vulnerable by caring for someone. I am made vulnerable enough by my connection to you, I will not give the Crows or any one else undue leverage.
Imagine my reluctance to give up one of the few certain, good things in my life for something I can neither trust nor hope to keep!
[ Is he snapping? He's snapping. He doesn't enjoy thinking of Alistair gone- he does not like the idea that anyone is so easily replaced- he does not like speaking of this in the slightest. ]
[ Did his voice crack, raw and wretched around that last word? It did.
He is an assassin, he has no fear of death, no concern for his own- but that it would dare tread in the shadow of someone he has come to look to as family? It is too much. ]
I want the Crows dead, the Taint cured, the world to stop going mad for a decade or two and to retire to a lovely Rivaini beach for the rest of my days. But men such as you and I do not get what we want, Alistair.
We never have. We get what we take- and we are glad for it.
I don't know. It's the sort of thing I would have wanted if I could.
[ He still sounds subdued. And that's true, but it's not really why. After a moment to think he changes tack. ]
I don't want you leave you here without someone who knows you. Not like I do, of course. They'd need a long to catch up. But better than you usually let people. And someone who will drop everything and go after you if you're kidnapped or something. I'm sure Leliana would send people, and Isabela seems fun, but...
[ There are excuses on the tip of his tongue. That if he is captured he deserves it for not being able to prevent it, that he can likely escape on his own as he has done it before (that would get more of those exasperated sighs and worried looks he cannot stomach for the guilt), that no one needs to know him beyond what they already see, that Isabella is fun and that is all he wants, to have fun, not to be so serious and carve himself to the bone to hold out his blackened, beating heart for someone to scoff at again.
But the way Alistair says it. 'Leave you here'.
Even should the Crows come at him in force in the next month- the liklihood of Zevran perishing before Alistair is slim. He will be left. How he has come to loathe being left. ]
...I can promise nothing. [ He will not be so much a coward as to lie to Alistair over this. ] But- if it will ease your mind, I might make an attempt. Provided they are suitable.
I'm half offended. A quarter offended? [ Not at all offended. He doesn't consider himself a noble except when it might be funny. ] What about non-human nobles? Dwarves have nobility.
You wouldn't let me ravish you, so you are stuck with a brother. How sad. It would have been marvelous, Alistair, I would have ruined you for all others.
[ He has found his humor once again. ]
I cannot think they would be willing to leave Orzammarr, and I enjoy the sky and sun too much to live below ground the rest of my life.
Have you met all of the Dalish here? Clan Ashara alone- Pel is solemn and sweet but better suited to the world she knows, Ellana is eager to please and far too curious for her own good, Beleth reminds me of myself years ago, Gavin is... Gavin. Cyril is quite handsome and has a sinful way about him but he, too, reminds me enough of myself to know better and Merrick? Reminds me of Taliesin. Not near so manipulative- not manipulative at all, but troubled enough to give me pause. Not to mention he is my student and the power imbalance there is more than enough for me to know to not.
Sina startles at the nearest gust of wind, Nahariel, her huntress sister is quite lovely but focused on protecting her Keeper, and Salem is a tragedy. Twisted Fate is, I think, Dalish but I do not know if he has a clan to return to, nor does he trust the world with his own name. I must applaud him his secrecy but this, too, is enough for me to know it will not work out in the long run.
I've met Pel, Ellana, Gavin, and Beleth. [ And now he doesn't want to meet Merrick ever, good job. ] Gavin has the totally doomed thing with Maxwell Whatever, but the rest of them seem--I mean, I can't say you're wrong, but none of that is so bad.
If they wish to return to their Clan and I wish to return to Antiva? I would not make them choose. They have a home, Alistair. Much as Antiva City is mine, I have ever been able to make my way wherever I go. It is not a lifestyle that is comfortable to most Dalish as where I go tends to be places heavily populated by humans. If they did feel so foolish as to follow, they would resent me for it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 03:07 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 03:20 am (UTC)Re: sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 03:27 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 03:56 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 03:59 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 05:05 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 05:09 am (UTC)It is not something I need, Alistair.
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 05:41 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 05:44 am (UTC)[ Is he snapping? He's snapping. He doesn't enjoy thinking of Alistair gone- he does not like the idea that anyone is so easily replaced- he does not like speaking of this in the slightest. ]
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 06:09 am (UTC)I guess I am thinking more about what I want for you than what you want.
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 06:13 am (UTC)[ Did his voice crack, raw and wretched around that last word? It did.
He is an assassin, he has no fear of death, no concern for his own- but that it would dare tread in the shadow of someone he has come to look to as family? It is too much. ]
I want the Crows dead, the Taint cured, the world to stop going mad for a decade or two and to retire to a lovely Rivaini beach for the rest of my days. But men such as you and I do not get what we want, Alistair.
We never have. We get what we take- and we are glad for it.
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 06:14 am (UTC)Perhaps...if you were to explain why this was so important to you, I might consider it.
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 07:21 am (UTC)[ He still sounds subdued. And that's true, but it's not really why. After a moment to think he changes tack. ]
I don't want you leave you here without someone who knows you. Not like I do, of course. They'd need a long to catch up. But better than you usually let people. And someone who will drop everything and go after you if you're kidnapped or something. I'm sure Leliana would send people, and Isabela seems fun, but...
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 07:31 am (UTC)But the way Alistair says it. 'Leave you here'.
Even should the Crows come at him in force in the next month- the liklihood of Zevran perishing before Alistair is slim. He will be left. How he has come to loathe being left. ]
...I can promise nothing. [ He will not be so much a coward as to lie to Alistair over this. ] But- if it will ease your mind, I might make an attempt. Provided they are suitable.
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 07:35 am (UTC)No human nobles.
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 07:36 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 07:52 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 07:55 am (UTC)[ He has found his humor once again. ]
I cannot think they would be willing to leave Orzammarr, and I enjoy the sky and sun too much to live below ground the rest of my life.
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 08:07 am (UTC)What about Dalish, if they wouldn't leave their clans?
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 08:10 am (UTC)[ Which is to say, he doesn't. ]
If they wish to remain with their clans I would not meet them, as I do not wander that far.
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 08:25 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 08:33 am (UTC)Sina startles at the nearest gust of wind, Nahariel, her huntress sister is quite lovely but focused on protecting her Keeper, and Salem is a tragedy. Twisted Fate is, I think, Dalish but I do not know if he has a clan to return to, nor does he trust the world with his own name. I must applaud him his secrecy but this, too, is enough for me to know it will not work out in the long run.
sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 09:07 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 09:10 am (UTC)sometime
Date: 2015-12-06 08:06 pm (UTC)sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime - this is my proudest moment
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:Re: sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From:sometime
From: