It would be more honest than the 'it's fine, Zevran, don't worry Zevran'. I know where I stand with you. I always have. This ambiguity- I do not care for it.
[ Alistair chose a wonderful time to indulge in tact. ]
No. That would be the same as killing them, and I would like to think I've learned something of Mercy.
It is fine, and I don't want you to worry about it. [ Is it still tact if he sounds a little irritated? But only a little. ] Look, Zevran. [ A pause, then, deliberately: ] Zev. You didn't really say anything I haven't heard before. Or said before. I know what I am. The only new part is that it was you saying it and—laying it out so well. But I understand why you did. I can be hurt [ and wary :c ] and forgive you at the same time. I'm pretty big, you know. There's room for two feelings at once in here.
[ He's flicking his own chest. It's probably not audible. ]
As long as you're not giving me up for someone better. I know Doghren is the full package, but...
I was offered a truly obscene amount of money and status to remain as a court assassin. I declined. [ For so, so many reasons. ] There is no one I would give you up for, Alistair. Not a one.
[ In all his years and all the world, every bed he's shared and every laugh, every death, every tangled, knotted thing that sat between him and those he does continue to keep in touch with- nothing compares to the ease and stability, the knowledge of having Alistair's regard and support.
His brother.
Nothing is worth losing that. ]
What do you think I said to them in Antivan, on the road back to Skyhold when I gave them the knife? They know their options.
[ It's a weak start to a forced joke; really he's disarmed, surprised at the sincerity when he'd been trying to offer a way out of the mire of apologizing, and relieved of weight he wouldn't have genuinely admitted to carrying. He has to stop and steady himself silently. ]
Thank you. [ Thank you? He feels like a nerd. He clears his throat. ] See, this is why I need to be here. After everything you've survived it would be really embarrassing for both of us if I smothered you to death trying to give you a hug.
[ Not actually less nerdy. Oh well. ]
I don't know. I was a little distracted by you giving them a knife. [ And not speaking Antivan. He hums though, thoughtfully. ] What made you understand we weren't going to turn you out or kill you?
[ It's on the edge of too soon. Context helps. There's a longer pause than necessary, but when Alistair does talk, it's just, ] Fuzzy. [ Offended. But not really. ]
You could show them a rift. [ It's hard to say whether the Inquisition is more or less desperate than they were. The scale is different. Bigger problem; infinitely bigger army. ] But you're not going to make them fight to stay, are you? Do they want to?
They are assassins. I cannot take that from them anymore than I can remove such things from myself. But...I wish them to do as I do. Take contracts on their own merit, actually keep the coin they earn. Have somewhere safe to hide when they need. A reputation to protect them. If they must fight- fighting for the Inquisition is not so terrible a cause.
[ It bothers him—that any of them, Zevran included, might think that's all they are or all they can do or the only reason they're alive—but he can't quite articulate why, and he's recently been in trouble for being overbearing and pushy, so he tries not to dwell. ]
Are they all right, though? They aren't going to try to sleep with Seeker Pentaghast or anything, are they? She's probably the one who could really force them out.
They know they are not permitted in Skyhold proper without my supervision. Leliana and I argued over that. She wished them dead and we...she is harder, now, than she was. Morrigan is softer. I would say the world is ending but we know that to be true.
[ He sighs, weary. ]
But no, they have not yet attempted to seduce Cassandra.
You could. Or you could have someone else do it for you, especially while you're recovering. [ Hopefully. He's not asking: have you been drinking alone or only with them, have you been outside much, who's keeping away the well-wishers for me when you don't feel like it. It's hard. ] I'm not saying you should. I'm only saying it's kind of you not to. I'm sure they feel better with you than they would with someone who didn't understand.
No one else knows what to make of them. Araceli plays cards with them, Beleth, I think, still may wish them dead. Korrin seems to have come around to understanding. I do not wish to burden Taas with them. The Iron Bull, perhaps, understands.
Well, he's not wrong. But he better mean priceless because you're a person and his equal and not priceless like a painting he wants to hang up. I don't care if he's a chevalier. I could take him.
Where, for a walk? [ An easier jest than considering what it is he may or may not be getting into. ] I do not think it will be much of an issue. I have not seen him in some time and when we last spoke he was somewhat distressed.
[ He won't actually do anything unless he's asked. Or unless Michel follows in the footsteps of the many chevaliers who have taken their Distress out on the peasantry. Etc. But it makes him feel better to grumble. ]
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crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-24 07:32 am (UTC)They already have my mercy. They reminded me of you. [ A beat. ] You're not going to throw them out, are you?
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-24 07:36 am (UTC)[ Alistair chose a wonderful time to indulge in tact. ]
No. That would be the same as killing them, and I would like to think I've learned something of Mercy.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-24 01:42 pm (UTC)[ He's flicking his own chest. It's probably not audible. ]
As long as you're not giving me up for someone better. I know Doghren is the full package, but...
[ Anyway. ]
Have you told them so?
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-25 03:52 am (UTC)[ In all his years and all the world, every bed he's shared and every laugh, every death, every tangled, knotted thing that sat between him and those he does continue to keep in touch with- nothing compares to the ease and stability, the knowledge of having Alistair's regard and support.
His brother.
Nothing is worth losing that. ]
What do you think I said to them in Antivan, on the road back to Skyhold when I gave them the knife? They know their options.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-25 05:24 am (UTC)[ It's a weak start to a forced joke; really he's disarmed, surprised at the sincerity when he'd been trying to offer a way out of the mire of apologizing, and relieved of weight he wouldn't have genuinely admitted to carrying. He has to stop and steady himself silently. ]
Thank you. [ Thank you? He feels like a nerd. He clears his throat. ] See, this is why I need to be here. After everything you've survived it would be really embarrassing for both of us if I smothered you to death trying to give you a hug.
[ Not actually less nerdy. Oh well. ]
I don't know. I was a little distracted by you giving them a knife. [ And not speaking Antivan. He hums though, thoughtfully. ] What made you understand we weren't going to turn you out or kill you?
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-25 07:54 am (UTC)When I realized you were all actually that desperate for assistance.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-25 08:27 am (UTC)You could show them a rift. [ It's hard to say whether the Inquisition is more or less desperate than they were. The scale is different. Bigger problem; infinitely bigger army. ] But you're not going to make them fight to stay, are you? Do they want to?
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-25 08:30 am (UTC)They are assassins. I cannot take that from them anymore than I can remove such things from myself. But...I wish them to do as I do. Take contracts on their own merit, actually keep the coin they earn. Have somewhere safe to hide when they need. A reputation to protect them. If they must fight- fighting for the Inquisition is not so terrible a cause.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-25 10:22 am (UTC)[ It bothers him—that any of them, Zevran included, might think that's all they are or all they can do or the only reason they're alive—but he can't quite articulate why, and he's recently been in trouble for being overbearing and pushy, so he tries not to dwell. ]
Are they all right, though? They aren't going to try to sleep with Seeker Pentaghast or anything, are they? She's probably the one who could really force them out.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-25 10:37 am (UTC)[ He sighs, weary. ]
But no, they have not yet attempted to seduce Cassandra.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-25 11:17 pm (UTC)[ pause for effect ]
until I'm there to watch.
[ No. It's still sad. ]
It's kind of you to take them in, Zev. I don't think many people would.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-26 12:14 am (UTC)[ He snorts a soft laugh. ]
...I know what it is to be in their shoes. The uncertainty, the fear, the tension. I cannot give them less than what was given to me ten years ago.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-26 03:50 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-26 04:08 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-27 03:04 am (UTC)[ aka people who didn't want to kill the kids. ]
Can you imagine Sten here?
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-27 07:21 pm (UTC)He...ah. He called me 'Kadan'. Do you remember what Sten said that meant? If Sten said what it meant?
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-27 09:16 pm (UTC)Not that I recall. Maybe he told Jonas or Shale. It seemed like a compliment.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 12:59 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 04:29 am (UTC)I've always sort of assumed it meant 'person I may consider sparing when my people invade your lands and slaughter everyone else.'
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 04:32 am (UTC)[ Sighing. So much sighing. ]
This is the trouble with staying in one place for too long.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 04:41 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 04:44 am (UTC)Which.
May mean something.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 04:54 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 05:01 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 05:15 am (UTC)[ He won't actually do anything unless he's asked. Or unless Michel follows in the footsteps of the many chevaliers who have taken their Distress out on the peasantry. Etc. But it makes him feel better to grumble. ]
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
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From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
From:crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
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