I'm not. But I do try. [ A beat. ] I'm sorry for saying you were wallowing and bothering you about your eye, and—all of it. When I come back, I won't anymore. I promise.
I can help myself. I'm not a child. [ If he sounds irritated, it is at least aimed inward, and he brightens fairly quickly into his usual wearily gung-ho humor. ] I mean, it is eternally a struggle for me to not ruin everything. But I like you, so I can put in the extra effort. Just don't tell anyone else. They'll start expecting things out of me.
One day I will find whoever it was that taught you that your first feeling should be shame and self loathing, and I will take a knife to them. [ Isn't hypocrisy a lovely thing? ]
Zevran. [ He's smiling invisibly, on the other end of the crystal's magical connection, and the name isn't a rebuke. It's baffled—protectiveness is his job—and a little touched. He clears his throat before righting and smoothing out his Veil Of Jocularity (thanks, Shale). ] Don't threaten the clergy. Leliana has ears everywhere.
[ It wasn't really them. But they make nice targets. The hats make them easy to spot. ]
Alistair. [ He's allowed to be protective- and perhaps a touch possessive. He's allowed this wary dislike of whoever made Alistair think of himself as less. That is what family does. ] I am certain she has other things to concern herself over.
So do you. Two weeks ago you didn't understand why anyone would come for you. Why I would—
[ He cuts himself short because he's wondering, belatedly, if that's something he should take personally. He decides it isn't. Not about him. But he doesn't finish the thought, either, because he can hear himself coming close to the same Helpful Tone that preceded their fight, and he can at least try not to immediately fuck up again. ]
I do appreciate it, Zev. I'm all warm and tingly now. And it's cold here, and I'm sharing a tent with someone who only makes everything colder, so it's appreciated double.
And ten years ago I didn't understand what it was to be liked beyond my blades or skills in bed. Being there...brought up much of the past I thought I had laid to rest.
[ It's more about the situation than he's been willing to give with Alistair there with his eyes and his feelings and his guilt. Here and now it is a bit easier. Not much- but enough to share a little. ]
I know my worth to the last copper. You...make me worth more. Remind me that I am worth more. Wrapping my head about that lesson once again is taking longer than it should.
[ And that, well. That is enough seriousness for the moment. ] ...They put you in with the frigid bitch? Enchanter Frosty, I think you said? You poor man.
[ When Alistair gets back he is going to KISS THE HELL OUT OF HIs forehead in a very brotherly fashion. For now there is only a pause. It's a heavy pause. It's carrying the weight of like two hundred feelings. At least there are no eyes? ]
It can take, um. [ Tryinnnng. ] There's no should. But let me know if I can help.
[ Yes, good, something lighter before he gives up watching for darkspawn and goes home. ]
She hates me so much. But it's all right. Morrigan was almost nice to me for a minute before, and it was making me feel a little off-balance.
[ Zevran was about to say- but Alistair catches himself. If there is one thing he's always been good at it's self correction after a problem's been pointed out.
Well.
For the most part. ]
You are adorable, this is true. How is it you still have boyish charms at thirty?
[ For some part. When it isn't a matter of trying to forcibly contain his many noisy feelings or doing something that feels like Caring Less instead of Caring More. ]
Loads of practice. I was working on my innocent scamp faces when I should have been working on minding my blind spots.
[ Just in case anyone thought he was done dwelling. He's not. But he tries to be productive about it, this time: ]
Do you think you'll be up for helping me with that when I'm back?
Alistair- [ No, no. Not going to get into that. ] I will have to find someone willing to spar with me in the meantime- but yes. I think I might manage that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 05:53 am (UTC)I don't know which word.
We should pick one.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 05:55 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 06:14 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 06:19 am (UTC)You are too kind, Amico.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-28 05:18 pm (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-29 06:55 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-29 01:53 pm (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-29 11:01 pm (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-29 11:49 pm (UTC)[ It wasn't really them. But they make nice targets. The hats make them easy to spot. ]
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-02-29 11:56 pm (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-01 12:22 am (UTC)[ He cuts himself short because he's wondering, belatedly, if that's something he should take personally. He decides it isn't. Not about him. But he doesn't finish the thought, either, because he can hear himself coming close to the same Helpful Tone that preceded their fight, and he can at least try not to immediately fuck up again. ]
I do appreciate it, Zev. I'm all warm and tingly now. And it's cold here, and I'm sharing a tent with someone who only makes everything colder, so it's appreciated double.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-01 12:35 am (UTC)[ It's more about the situation than he's been willing to give with Alistair there with his eyes and his feelings and his guilt. Here and now it is a bit easier. Not much- but enough to share a little. ]
I know my worth to the last copper. You...make me worth more. Remind me that I am worth more. Wrapping my head about that lesson once again is taking longer than it should.
[ And that, well. That is enough seriousness for the moment. ] ...They put you in with the frigid bitch? Enchanter Frosty, I think you said? You poor man.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-01 02:22 am (UTC)It can take, um. [ Tryinnnng. ] There's no should. But let me know if I can help.
[ Yes, good, something lighter before he gives up watching for darkspawn and goes home. ]
She hates me so much. But it's all right. Morrigan was almost nice to me for a minute before, and it was making me feel a little off-balance.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-01 03:42 am (UTC)Will do.
[ Morrigan? Nice? Now that will be the day, Zevran snorts a soft laugh, happy to be on more pleasant subjects. ]
How is it you manage to fail to endear yourselves with magical women?
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-01 03:57 am (UTC)And all men, come to think of it.
Except elves. I'm not sure why. Maybe they're so surprised I'm not violently oppressing them that it takes them longer to notice the rest of me—
[ He's doing it again. He stops. ]
I'm joking. It's because I'm adorable and elves have particularly good eyesight.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-01 04:02 am (UTC)Well.
For the most part. ]
You are adorable, this is true. How is it you still have boyish charms at thirty?
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-01 08:43 pm (UTC)Loads of practice. I was working on my innocent scamp faces when I should have been working on minding my blind spots.
[ Just in case anyone thought he was done dwelling. He's not. But he tries to be productive about it, this time: ]
Do you think you'll be up for helping me with that when I'm back?
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-02 01:50 am (UTC)crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-02 03:29 am (UTC)Thanks, Zev. I can let you go back to your, ah. Crowpile.
crystal, "tomorrow," as promised
Date: 2016-03-02 04:13 am (UTC)So sneaky. ]
Rest well, my friend, and dream of lovely women.