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[ He laughs, because bastard. But only a little. ]

It's not cheating if it's true. Come on, Zev. I can't die properly if I'm worrying about you. I'll hang around too long and get all ghouly.

I am supposed to die first! We agreed. You are changing the terms of our agreement and I do not appreciate it.

Adequately crying and wailing at your funeral will be part of the training.

You are not going to give up on this foolishness, are you? I have my lovers, I have you, I have Isabella. What more do I need?

Me, but longer lived, and maybe with kissing.

Maybe I have another brother somewhere.

We've kissed.

More kissing. More tongue.

That is what my lovers are for, Alistair. Are you implying I should find someone I sleep with that I might also feel that sort of...sentiment for?

Yes. Put the love in lover, if you know what I mean.

I have no desire to go through that stupidity a second time. Once was enough.

It wasn't the feelings that made it go poorly last time, it was the Crows. And you're handling them.

And I will always be handling them. Or another House of Assassins. Sentiment means being made vulnerable by caring for someone. I am made vulnerable enough by my connection to you, I will not give the Crows or any one else undue leverage.

It is not something I need, Alistair.

You wouldn't be adding a new weakness, really. You'd be swapping me out for a new one.

Imagine my reluctance to give up one of the few certain, good things in my life for something I can neither trust nor hope to keep!

[ Is he snapping? He's snapping. He doesn't enjoy thinking of Alistair gone- he does not like the idea that anyone is so easily replaced- he does not like speaking of this in the slightest. ]

[ His chastised silence is of a respectful length, if barely. ]

I guess I am thinking more about what I want for you than what you want.

What I want is for you to not be dying.

[ Did his voice crack, raw and wretched around that last word? It did.

He is an assassin, he has no fear of death, no concern for his own- but that it would dare tread in the shadow of someone he has come to look to as family? It is too much. ]

I want the Crows dead, the Taint cured, the world to stop going mad for a decade or two and to retire to a lovely Rivaini beach for the rest of my days. But men such as you and I do not get what we want, Alistair.

We never have. We get what we take- and we are glad for it.

[ He cools his temper- takes a few deep, audible breaths. ]

Perhaps...if you were to explain why this was so important to you, I might consider it.

I don't know. It's the sort of thing I would have wanted if I could.

[ He still sounds subdued. And that's true, but it's not really why. After a moment to think he changes tack. ]

I don't want you leave you here without someone who knows you. Not like I do, of course. They'd need a long to catch up. But better than you usually let people. And someone who will drop everything and go after you if you're kidnapped or something. I'm sure Leliana would send people, and Isabela seems fun, but...

[ There are excuses on the tip of his tongue. That if he is captured he deserves it for not being able to prevent it, that he can likely escape on his own as he has done it before (that would get more of those exasperated sighs and worried looks he cannot stomach for the guilt), that no one needs to know him beyond what they already see, that Isabella is fun and that is all he wants, to have fun, not to be so serious and carve himself to the bone to hold out his blackened, beating heart for someone to scoff at again.

But the way Alistair says it. 'Leave you here'.

Even should the Crows come at him in force in the next month- the liklihood of Zevran perishing before Alistair is slim. He will be left. How he has come to loathe being left. ]

...I can promise nothing. [ He will not be so much a coward as to lie to Alistair over this. ] But- if it will ease your mind, I might make an attempt. Provided they are suitable.

[ Alistair brightens. It's nearly audible even before he talks. ]

No human nobles.

Please. They are fun to dishevel and ravish but a serious relationship? Impossible.

I'm half offended. A quarter offended? [ Not at all offended. He doesn't consider himself a noble except when it might be funny. ] What about non-human nobles? Dwarves have nobility.

You wouldn't let me ravish you, so you are stuck with a brother. How sad. It would have been marvelous, Alistair, I would have ruined you for all others.

[ He has found his humor once again. ]

I cannot think they would be willing to leave Orzammarr, and I enjoy the sky and sun too much to live below ground the rest of my life.

Oh, I believe that.

What about Dalish, if they wouldn't leave their clans?

You know how much I enjoy camping.

[ Which is to say, he doesn't. ]

If they wish to remain with their clans I would not meet them, as I do not wander that far.

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