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[ombranera]

I will write back as soon as possible.

Regards, Zevran

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[onlyhymns]

Cade has so much anger, it would be impossible to spend it all in one rant; but on top of that is the ever-present burden of his doubt, his guilt, his self-loathing. As quickly as it came, his anger flees, giving way to just... desolation. It seems to weigh him down as he turns back to return to his chair, his demeanor docile but weary.

"I don't know what to do," he softly confesses, and, noticing the apple he had left on the table beside him, he picks it up again to take a bite. Better to occupy his mouth with this than more stupid words.

[ombranera]

"It is complicated." Nothing is simple in life. Less so when Alistair is involved- for all that the man loves easy answers where no one is hurt and knows well enough this is impossible, it is what he wants. What truly cannot be.

"I have spoken to the builders- you will not be tasked with work in the Valley. Avoidance, for now, is likely the wisest course." They are both of them too raw, too angry to be much good to one another. "But know that if you ever feel the need to yell or pace or rave, to pop the seal and release some steam? I am available to listen. Provided you understand that I might do the same with you from time to time."

[onlyhymns]

Being who he is, Cade is inclined to once again take the news as negatively as possible-- great, so there's another place that's off-ilmits for him, because he might be attacked or just... isn't wanted. Fine. Good.
But he's too hurt to be angry again, and something else catches his attention. He looks up from the floor to Zevran, uncertain. Vent... to him? Confide in him?
The last person to do that was, well, the person they've been discussing. Twenty years ago.

"...I... that's fine," he stammers, unsure of how to deal with the... what is it, responsibility? "I'm... not much good, but..." He trails off awkwardly. "...if you want."

[ombranera]

"Good, because I have to complain about Alistair to someone and everyone else is so thoroughly enamored with him or half certain we are secretly married that they either do not take me seriously, assure me that it is not all that terrible, or offer to duel him in my honor for cheating on me." Which is absurd for so many reasons he cannot even begin to list them.

"Apparently he is candy to the Dalish. I have never seen an entire clan decide 'oh, this shem is adorable and sarcastic, we must protect him!' like he is a small woodland creature. Yes, he is quite cute, but he is not a child. Except when he acts like a child. Which is often." He sags in his chair, dragging a hand down his face. "Cade- I am an assassin. I am one of THE most dangerous men in Antiva. I am rebuilding a guild of new assassins from the ground up to eliminate the Crows and what did I spend my day doing? Telling him to write an apology letter and mean it. The man is ridiculous. Why is this my life."

[onlyhymns]

This is so far beyond what Cade was expecting that he actually looks a little dazed by the sudden onslaught. As with their other arrangement, he hadn't anticipated that when Zevran said 'we should do this', he meant right at this exact moment, right here.
Having just begun to utilize someone else in this role, Cade has zero idea of how to fill it himself. So he sits there looking surprised, taking in everything Zevran has said until he remembers he should probably say something.

"...um," he murmurs, pauses, then says, "...what would you want to do? ...if nobody judged you for it?"

This is weird. This is so weird. And, completely unexpectedly, he starts to feel a little bad for Alistair. Just... not bad enough to shut it down.

[ombranera]

"Tell him to grow up? Tell him the world does not revolve around his soft, easily wounded emotions, that the world is colder and more cruel and not all of us GOT warm stables with dogs to sleep in and that, perhaps, terrible things can still happen when men that are supposed to take care of children do terrible things instead." He grumbles into his palm. "I would like to handcuff the two of you together and make you deal with one another, but that will solve nothing."

Or would it?

"I wish him to be more serious, but not too serious. I wish him to think, perhaps, beyond himself, the wardens, and me. Everything else falls to the wayside because he does not care and, unfortunately? That seems to have included you and that is not fair. I wish I could simply slap the childish petulance out of him- but then he would likely never trust me again." Which is a terrible thought, honestly. "He is not so bad, is Alistair. But there are times when I want to wring his neck."

[onlyhymns]

Further validation arrives with this, and Cade's caution is dissipating at the same rate that his guilt is rising. He doesn't even know why, and perhaps doesn't want to know.
He does make a face at the idea of being cuffed to Alistair. He would hate that with anyone, a constant invasion of personal space, but with Alistair in particular it would be a nightmare. He opts not to say so, since Zevran has moved on and Cade isn't about to remind him of his idea.

Cade considers the man's words for several moments, and has several ideas for how to respond, but finds that he doesn't want to voice any of them. He doesn't know what he's talking about, he has no authority. "...maybe he'd.... I don't know," Cade begins, and trails off, rubbing the back of his head.

[ombranera]

"Stick his nose in deeper without much thought or consideration to his own neck or whether or not his nose is even wanted? It is a very fine nose, this Theirin nose, but it does not need to be everywhere." It really does not need to be here. Even if healing this wound would do them both some good.

[ombranera]

To be honest, I only recently came to know. I knew it was an endearment but I asked around when I, myself, was called that by Taas. To him it means something different than it does to Korrin, but he told me the possible meanings.

[ He is still sorting out how that feels- other than good. He likes it, quite a bit. As much as Araceli enjoys hearing it from Korrin, he's sure. ]

That was a joke! I promise, that was a joke. You two are far too charming as you are.

[foxsays]

Taas called you that? [Zevran does she have to start drawing a family tree now? Must she find where she procures the appropriate inks, the right parchment, swatting everyone away from her as she spends an hour writing just one name perfectly?] The token I plan to give Korrin can mean many things, there are words I think our languages share that would be the same, inflection and years colouring them.

[Her father gave her mother a ring, to most that would mean something more but they married the sea first and foremost, and they cannot turn from their paths.

The sea gave them Araceli and lasting friendship. A more than worthy trade.]

Besides, can you imagine trying to fight Korrin through planning a wedding? Because a wedding has to be done right. And that does mean planning. Deliberations. Negotiations. Tailors and measurements, so many fabrics and swatches.

[onlyhymns]

It isn't until Zevran starts waxing poetic about Alistair's nose that a question occurs to Cade, and he knits his brow delicately as he watches Zevran's face.
"If... you don't like what he does, why are you his friend?" It's an honest question, from someone who has had little reason to see the world in anything but black and white. He has no point of reference for having a complicated friendship, because until recently 'friendship' has been a concept so nebulous that he isn't even certain he knows what defines it. He only knows what it isn't.

[ombranera]

He...first called me that in camp, after I was saved from the Crows. I did not know how to take it.

[ He'd tried to deny it, honestly, even if it shook loose the truth that he'd lived as though a Crow no matter how free he'd been. ] Now...I hear it with pride, to be that to him. Just as you revel in hearing the same from Korrin. Do tell me how she likes the ring, yes?

...You realize I have many associates in Antiva that would happily assist? Tailors, cooks, bakers, jewelers....

[ombranera]

"...because for every thing of him I find vexing, there is something I find endearing. I am annoyed that he meddles- but that he bothers to meddle? Shows that he cares. And he can be taught to back away when I need space. He is, more than anyone I have ever known, the most honest man I have met." For all his sarcasm and secrets- none of which he kept from Zevran- Alistair has never outright lied to him about anything.

It isn't in his nature.

"And the first to look at me and see not a Crow, not an elf, but me in a time when even I was not certain who that was. Oh, he hated me on sight, of course, but he saw me! That is more than most humans bothered to offer."

[Action/Bloomingtide 14]

[madame_de_fer]

[Gracious. Not quite what Vivienne expected to find in Zevran's room and yet she's not entirely surprised either. Certainly he needs the brandy she brought back for him.]

He's a beautiful boy.

[Very beautiful and very clearly Zevran's child. There is no mistaking that.

She waves her fingers lightly at the baby and smiles when he burbles back at her.]

However did he come to be here?

[She's not asking about the sex. She knows as much how babies are born.]

[onlyhymns]

This is all news to Cade, but then, he hasn't known the man for a good twenty years.

He watches Zevran quietly, torn between sympathy and the knowledge that Alistair can look at a literal assassin sent to murder one of his companions and forgive him, befriend him, but can't spare the same magnanimity for an out-of-touch childhood friend.
When Cade had first seen him here, he had hoped. He had hoped for a while, actually, and then it had soured so quickly.

"That's good," he says, his voice a bit hollow.

[ombranera]

"I still think you ought to speak to one another and attempt to resolve...whatever it is that has tone sideways. I have not known him to be quite so deliberately awful to one that might consider him a friend- or something close to it. Normally when such things happen and there isn't money, sex, or blood involved? There has been a miscommunication." People talking solved things. Who knew? "But- I think it may need to wait, yes? You and he are still sore with one another. You justly so and he...Maker only knows."

[Action/Bloomingtide 14]

[ombranera]

His mother has recently been betrothed to an Antivan Merchant Prince. They...do not suffer bastards lightly. And with my somewhat infamous reputation in Antiva City? It would not be safe for him to remain.

[ So it falls to him to care for the boy. The very boy that is reaching up to tug on the braid that has draped over his shoulder- by now? Zevran does not bat an eye.

It happens often. ]

[foxsays]

There is a time for reassurance, no that's not the word but-- [Her voice catches for a moment because it's selfish but she doesn't really want to remember Zevran then or it's going to stick in her head, and that isn't fair to him, not when he's healing, not when he's moving past that now.] I'm glad for you. And I will. You'll be the first person I tell probably when I find the sending crystal and my wits.

[Assuming Skyhold in general doesn't hear since Araceli doesn't really believe in being quiet when she doesn't need to be.]

And you realise Korrin truly would strangle me or dump me somewhere in the snow. She could probably throw me high into the mountains and lodge me somewhere, she has quite the arms and shoulders.

[And now she's distracted herself.]

[ombranera]

She will be terribly pleased, you know this. [ A bond is a bond even if there is no wedding. Perhaps a fine dinner? A feast of some sort. An excuse for him to cook and dote and live while reveling in living. He has not had so dark a day in quite some time, now. With her as a reminder to move forward?

It is hard to let the darkness creep in. ]

Ah, say no more. We can have a dinner instead, yes? To celebrate- none of the trappings or obligations of a wedding, all of the fun of a reception. Drinking, dancing- we are overdue a feast.

crystal, during fade stuff, waves vague hand at timeline.

[byblow]

Zev?

[ It's a distant sound, like one spoken down the length of a long, empty hall, with wavering distortions; there are syllables where it sounds like another voice entirely, others where it's drowned out by the sound of stone cracking or water running. ]

We don't know if anything is getting through. I just wanted—in case it is, and we don't come back—

[ He's been trying to say good-bye for months; not outright, nothing to cause a fight, but saying other things. Trying to make sure there wasn't anything left that needed to be said, so if it came to that, to this, it would feel like the right time. Not too soon, not too unfinished.

So now he doesn't know what else to say. ]

It's nothing you could have stopped, [ he decides on, and maybe there would have been more, but instead there's a crash and a roar, and, ] Maker, [ and silence. ]

timelines, what are those?

[ombranera]

[ He's been walking down the path past the valley to meet with their tile merchant. More for the kitchen, the walls, the proper bath- He had expected to be contacted more often and the past few days silence has started to grate.

Of course, that means when he finally does hear word- it's terrifying. The Crystals did not warp in this way- they worked or they did not and he doesn't appreciate these magical shenanigans! ]

Alistair? Alistair!

[ As though shouting will force his words and his will through. As though that will close the distance. He's noticed every small discussion, every random question and gesture- a quiet goodbye without being a goodbye. They both knew something like this was coming- they do not lead such kind lives as to consider themselves fortunate enough to avoid death. But this-

It is not to be like this. ]

You promised. [ Like he meant it. Like it mattered. ] Bastard- you promised- [ All is silence. A roar like that? A crash with such force?

Zevran knows far better than to hope. Whatever happened. Whatever this was? The world grays out around the edges as he stumbles to the nearest tree and sinks down, sending crystal clutched tightly in his palm. Nothing he could have stopped? How was that supposed to help him with this? ]

ok but also, a day or so later:

[byblow]

Zevran?

[ Clear this time—quiet, but that's exhaustion and relief, not magical shenanigans. ]

[foxsays]

A big dinner. With real food, that actually tastes like food since we now have new chefs that know spices too, since I promised a friend or two as well that I would cook for them and what better time than now?

[Well the Fade is going to happen, and Weisshaupt, so honestly what better time than after that than to have a really big dinner with food that's full of life, revelling in two people being brought together by circumstance and finding love with all their friends.]

I'll start making the arrangements.

[onlyhymns]

Almost, Cade looks like he might protest. But he doesn't, allowing Zevran to continue speaking, and instead ducks his head to nod wearily. His anger and resentment is giving way to that familiar empty ache, the knowledge that regardless of what kind of stupid spats he gets into, the outcome will always be the same.
"...is it even worth it?" he asks, his voice quiet but strained. He keeps his eyes averted from Zevran's, now looking down at his hands.

[ombranera]

"..." Now there is a question. Zevran leans back in his chair, arms crossed as he gauges Cade's expression and posture, considers the fight he'd come across and what little he knew of their friendship in childhood and... "Honestly?"

More people might be too much for Cade to handle, too many expectations, too many demands- and Alistair has a long habit of being demanding. But he is also terribly supportive when given cause and- there is too much here for him to judge. "I do not know. Childhood friendships- I never had my own and as such I do not know what has gone amiss, here. Only that something apparently has for how you both fight like cats."