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[ombranera]

I will write back as soon as possible.

Regards, Zevran

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[ombranera]

Well, yes. The vhenadahl trees. They plant them to remind themselves of who they once were. And then they pee on it. Charming symbolism, really.

...Beleth do you honestly think you can convince any local clan to take on a group of flat ears simply by speaking to them?

[arlathvhen]

I--We don't do that. That I recall.

[ Well, they pee on trees occasionally, but it's not remotely symbolic. ]

Anyway, I'm going to visit the local clans with some other Dalish from Skyhold. I believe we can convince them, in deeds, if not in words. I'd volunteer Ashara, but, um...

[ She trails off in a mumble, something regarding her mother. ]

--But I mean, this works out anyway. If I want things to change, I need to start changing minds.

[ombranera]

...Well this is a truly noble cause, please do not tell me when you mean to do this or how. Leliana is already cross with me and hiding something ELSE from her might very well ruin what little we have left.

If we have anything left.

...


Be careful, is all that I am saying.

[arlathvhen]

I--I know. I'm not going to tell her. I can't.

...I am sorry, though. About the two of you. But I think that you'll work it out. There are things that tie people together for the rest of their lives, and even if you have your differences...

You're both good people. Even if you both don't always think so.

[ She clears her throat. ]

Anyway. I won't tell you anymore. But I'll be careful, I promise. I just wanted to let you know, because I'll be gone, and because I'm going to be, ah...Asking around for help. And I know that you'd know something was up.

And if I get caught and, I don't know, imprisoned for life, because apparently that's what they do to uppity elves, [ SUP CASSANDRA ] I won't tell them you knew I was gonna do something. I may ask for your help busting me out, though.

[ombranera]

Don't do anything I would not do, Beleth. That is the best and only advice I can offer.


For Leliana- I have an idea as to what might work but I will need the measurements of a nug.

[quietblade]

What can he say, Taas loves things like this. Exploring people with every part of himself, feeling the quiver of strong thighs around his head, the jolt going through the body above at a specifically nice spot. The fact that if was Zevran, who had taken such sweet, sweet care of him made it so much better.

Slipping his tongue free for a moment, he places heated kisses at the perineum and then at the underside of the elf's balls, trying to not rub his horns anywhere uncomfortable. The hand at Zevran's cock wraps around it, stealing some of that slick precome to get a nice slide. Yet he just holds it for now, feeling the pulse run through the hard flesh.

Seemingly pleased at that, he runs his tongue against the skin all the way back to the elf's hole, returning to tease and push inside.

[sending crystal]

[arlathvhen]

[ Beleth's voice is unsure as she speaks into the crystal--still entirely unsure if she should talk about this, or if it's just a terrible idea that she should put out of her mind. But the thoughts continue to swirl, continue to well up, and Beleth is afraid that if she doesn't talk to someone, someone she can trust, they'll roll around in her head enough that they'll spill out on her tongue, in front of someone regretful.

Just talking about it will be fine. Just get it out of her head. ]

Zevran...? Are you, ah--available, tonight? If not, that's perfectly fine, I just figures, um. That I'd ask.

[sending crystal]

[ombranera]

Beleth?

[ Zev clears his throat from sleep and grumbles in inarticulate Antivan. ]

Certainly. Where do you need me?

[arlathvhen]

Oh, Creators--I woke you up, didn't I? I'm so sorry--Um. You can go back to sleep, if you want. It's not an emergency or anything. It's just...stupid stuff, really.

[ She debates, then adds: ]

But if you don't mind, I'm already in Skyhold. I can meet you--um. Do you know that little alcove above the kitchens? It's pretty easy to get to, if you can climb. Or just drop down from the battlements.

But like I said, I'm fine with waiting.

[ Even though she already hiked to Skyhold, just in case. ]

[ombranera]

I sleep at odd hours, Beleth, you had no way of knowing. [ He cracks a yawn- the scraping of a pen over parchment the only other sound for a moment. Letting Mia know he's gone out to meet someone, not that he's walked off the battlements.

A courtesy, truly. ] I will be there shortly. If you wish to appease me, have food.

[arlathvhen]

Alright. I will.

...Thank you, Zevran.

[ And when Zevran shows up, Beleth will be there, with her scarf folded neatly on the ground, and a loaf of still-warm bread and a hunk of cheese and smoked meat laid out on it. The warmth of the bread and the closeness to the kitchen paints a pretty clear picture of where she procured it from--probably without asking. The chefs of Skyhold were thrilled when Beleth moved and their mysterious bread thief disappeared.

Beleth herself is seated on the edge, expression as troubled as her voice had been--with some guilt, for good measure. ]

[ombranera]

[ Silent even if he is still sleepy, Zevran drips from the shadows to settle in place, draping an arm around her shoulders without so much as saying a word. For a long moment he simply sits, cheek resting against Beleth's hair while he shakes himself awake. ]

Something is troubling you.

[ He peels himself off her long enough to slice himself a bit of bread and meat and cheese- a proper Fereldan midnight snack. ]

[arlathvhen]

[ She starts, just slightly, when Zevran touches her, even though she heard him sit down, even though she was expecting him. That'll go away eventually, she tells herself, and moves on to the subject at hand, leaning against him. ]

I realized something. I keep talking about how after we finish all this Corypheus business we can go home. But--I don't want to finish this business. I mean, I don't want Corypheus to...be hurting people. I just want to stay like...this.

[ She makes a vague motion to Skyhold before her. ]

I want the Inquisition to keep being necessary. I want my presence here to keep being necessary.

[ombranera]

[ He listens, quietly enjoying the food she's provided, weighing the words against his own sense of duty (ha) and individual desire for freedom. It is a familiar want; to be relevant, to do good works. But it is better still to recognize what it means under that.

For Zevran it had been simple enough- there had been no other choice.

For Beleth? ]

You do not wish to return to your Clan, is what you are saying.

[ Work from the root and branch outwards. ]

[arlathvhen]

[ She has to resist flinching, to hear it said out loud, so plainly. How many times has she given other Dalish a hard time for making such a decision? For wanting such a thing? It was wrong, a betrayal of the People, of her people. Of all the effort that she'd spent her life working for. ]

It doesn't make much sense, does it? I think that, considering everything that's happened, it would make more sense to want to go back. It's safer, I understand how it works, I'm not looked at as ignorant.

...But I don't want to go back.

[ Her fingers brush against her vallaslin, like she expects it to burn, or disappear, for voicing such a betrayal. ]

I mean--I will go. When everything is said and done. When Corypheus is defeated, or my mother gets tired of waiting, and sends for me, I'll go. Because that's my responsibility. Moreso than any responsibility I have to the Inquisition.

[ombranera]

No you won't.

[ It is an easy enough thing to promise yourself, but it is not so. Perhaps he should not be half so blunt as this but- Beleth can take it. Even if she must have him point such things out to her in her own logic. ]

You say you will for now but when the time comes? You might return. You might do it as you are beholden. But you will come to resent it, miss either the freedom or the autonomy, and break away in time.

[arlathvhen]

I resent a lot of things I have to do. I do it anyway. What I want has had very little impact on my life up until now.

[ She could do it, she tells herself. Not just the journey back, but the whole thing. For the rest of her life. She could bond to someone well suited to her, have his children, raise them, and live the unremarkable life that had been her path since she was born. She would do it with the knowledge that one unremarkable life was worth it, to push the Dalish that much further towards the future.

But Zevran's right. It's easier to tell herself that she could do it, but actually living that life? Could she do that every day, wake up and go to sleep, living in content misery? ]

And I mean. It's different for me. I still have my mother. I've disappointed her enough. She was worried about me coming to Skyhold, and if I stayed here, it'd just--It'd prove her worries right. It'd be selfish, and it'd be irresponsible.

[ombranera]

I cannot speak on the subject of mothers- mine died giving birth to me; or so I am told. [ Easy, offhand, like it is nothing. And in the face of this? It is terribly little. ] But you are a woman grown, Beleth. A young one to be certain, but a woman none the less. It is not a question of proving her right or wrong, of what is right for the Dalish.

It is a question of what is right for you. What would you do with your life had you no obligations?

[arlathvhen]

Most people I know don't have mothers, nor fathers. Pel is the exception, but she has only met them twice. They don't really count.

[ How could they understand, when most of them lost their parents before they had even reached puberty? How could they understand the feeling of not just feeling like their parents might be disappointed beyond the veil, but the very real and very unambiguous disappointment of parent actually there?

But she does not say this--there's no point, and it's rude, besides. Instead, she thinks on what Zevran says. If she had no obligations? It's hard to even imagine. ]

I don't...know. I don't know what I'd do. I mean--I want things. Creators, I want so many things. But the things I want...People I can't have, concepts that I don't understand, paths that I can't take. I don't know if they're right for me, or if I've just...idealized what I can't have. That it's easier to feel things for someone that I know I couldn't be with, so it doesn't matter if they return the feelings or not.

--Does that make sense? I--I've never talked about this with anyone else. It's hard to put a lot of it into words.

[ombranera]

It makes perfect sense. And thus you are now where I was a decade ago.

[ he pats her shoulder gently, slicing off another bit of cheese for his bread. ]

I will say this much- it does not become easier, trying to choose what it is you will do for yourself. But provided you remember that you do this for yourself and you make these choices under your own power, rather than what might be for those you left behind or those you might meet? I will not say you cannot make a poor choice, for I have made many. But it is easier to live without regret when you act under your own power, without the weight of others dragging you one way or another.

[ Here a bit of affection, he turns enough to kiss her temple as he would a sibling. ]

Think of one, small thing you want. Not a person, not a concept, not a path. Something you can hold in your hand. When you have that- think of whether or not you could have that thing were you to return to your Clan.

[arlathvhen]

[ She stares at her hands, as if literally trying to imagine something she could hold in them. It's alright to just think about it, right? That's why she asked to speak to Zevran. So that she could get the words and the thoughts out there. ]

I wouldn't be able to have those little cakes...The Orlesian ones, you know? I really like those. But I think, even if my clan were in Orlais, I wouldn't be able to get any.

[ombranera]

And what more than those?

[ Sometimes it does not boil down to the large questions of duty and honor and obligation.

Sometimes it is something small and simple. Like cakes, or shoes, or the freedom to sleep where you like without question or being bothered. ]

[arlathvhen]

...The arrows here. They're better than what we make in the clan. And there's more of them. I don't have to worry about using too many. Not that I try to use them rashly, but. It's nice to not have to count arrows and worry.

[ She keeps her eyes on her hands as she speaks, voice quiet. ]

The fabric here comes in a lot of different colors, and it's really soft. And there's the dress that Madame Vivienne gave me, and pretty jewelry. And there's plenty of leather to use, if I want.

...And there are jars of bees. Did you know about that? A girl told me about them. She threw one into Twisted Fate's room.

[ She snorts. Being a butthead to Twisted Fate? That's something that she couldn't do in the clan, either. ]

[ombranera]

Ah, Sera. She is a delightful little scamp and I think I mean to keep her. Where, exactly, I mean to keep her but I do mean to mind her in the field so she does not get eaten by a dragon or something. I find myself fond.

[ It's hard to not, truly. And yes, jars of bees. Of all the hurled implements that? Is one of the best he's found in the Inquisition. ]

And now think of something a little larger than your hands. The View from the battlements, the work you do. The friends you have made here. Me, of course. I like you Beleth but I am not wandering about the woods and wilds to find you once a month to make certain you're not dead. I hate camping and that would involve a great deal of it.

[arlathvhen]

She's certainly interesting. I'm glad that the two of you are getting along. If just to save you from waking up to bees in your bed.

[ She listens to Zevran, smiling softly by the end. Though she tells herself, if she left tomorrow, people might miss her now, but within a week? A month? By the end of the year, everyone will have moved on, as people do. She has not done anything to leave such a lasting impression. But...she would miss them. ]

I--I need to think about it, still. There's a lot to consider. But--Thank you. I think that you're right. I want to stay here. I don't want to go back.

[ But what she wants isn't enough, has never been enough. ]

But there's a lot to consider, if I stay here. My family, my life. It'd be like just...cutting myself completely off from my past.