There is not a day that goes by where I do not look at Kieran and wonder at what I have done. If the love I feel for him, if knowing that I would do whatever I must to keep him safe from harm will ever make up for what I have done before he ever had a say in it. If preparing him for this world and being aware of the shadow I cast, of Flemeth, makes up for any of it. As I have no doubt said before, I have done as best I can to make sure my life does not affect his.
You will manage Zevran because you are strong. You have come through the fire and no, you have not come through it unscarred but have any of us? Does Alistair not bear the marks of his upbringing in the way he behaves? Is Leliana not scarred outside and in by her life? I know myself what my mother made me and that this has not been an easy journey. It has been painful. I have stumbled, I am sure you can imagine that I have not enjoyed not knowing all, that my missteps have causing me pain and grief. I am always afraid of Flemeth coming for him, or now I am afraid of what might be discovered of him here in Skyhold with so many Wardens when there are so many striking similarities that I am sure could be found, just as you must fear the retribution of Crows, or those who despise elves, those with any sort of vendetta who would not hesitate to harm an infant.
I am sure that when he sleeps you lie awake wondering at the possibilities.
Yet you do yourself too little credit. You raise him to have the same passions for finding the good you did in any of us that you did ten years ago - even with me did you try, and I can admit that I was unpleasant. You fought the Fifth Blight and not once did you seek to betray the Wardens when ample opportunity likely reared its head. You teach lessons as they arise. It comes with time - he is not even a year yet, he is only discovering the world about him. Read to him. Show him things. Introduce him to those close to you. You do have friends, friends who rescued you and would do so again, many and more who went to Antiva. My door is always open, my crystal will be answered no matter the hour Zevran. Do not make a rash decision. I am a better person for Kieran, I am many things but he is my son, and I am a better person for having him.
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Date: 2016-06-24 03:11 am (UTC)There is not a day that goes by where I do not look at Kieran and wonder at what I have done. If the love I feel for him, if knowing that I would do whatever I must to keep him safe from harm will ever make up for what I have done before he ever had a say in it. If preparing him for this world and being aware of the shadow I cast, of Flemeth, makes up for any of it. As I have no doubt said before, I have done as best I can to make sure my life does not affect his.
You will manage Zevran because you are strong. You have come through the fire and no, you have not come through it unscarred but have any of us? Does Alistair not bear the marks of his upbringing in the way he behaves? Is Leliana not scarred outside and in by her life? I know myself what my mother made me and that this has not been an easy journey. It has been painful. I have stumbled, I am sure you can imagine that I have not enjoyed not knowing all, that my missteps have causing me pain and grief. I am always afraid of Flemeth coming for him, or now I am afraid of what might be discovered of him here in Skyhold with so many Wardens when there are so many striking similarities that I am sure could be found, just as you must fear the retribution of Crows, or those who despise elves, those with any sort of vendetta who would not hesitate to harm an infant.
I am sure that when he sleeps you lie awake wondering at the possibilities.
Yet you do yourself too little credit. You raise him to have the same passions for finding the good you did in any of us that you did ten years ago - even with me did you try, and I can admit that I was unpleasant. You fought the Fifth Blight and not once did you seek to betray the Wardens when ample opportunity likely reared its head. You teach lessons as they arise. It comes with time - he is not even a year yet, he is only discovering the world about him. Read to him. Show him things. Introduce him to those close to you. You do have friends, friends who rescued you and would do so again, many and more who went to Antiva. My door is always open, my crystal will be answered no matter the hour Zevran. Do not make a rash decision. I am a better person for Kieran, I am many things but he is my son, and I am a better person for having him.
Morrigan