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[ombranera]

I will write back as soon as possible.

Regards, Zevran

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[onlyhymns]

Without hesitation, Cade does so. He's still blushing, and his eyes rove nervously over the tavern and its other occupants, approximately zero of whom are paying any attention to them whatsoever.
He sets his cup down again and rests both hands on the table, lacing and unlacing his fingers over and over as he muddles through his thought process.
"I just..." he says, in a total whisper this time, keeping his eyes averted, "...it feels... I've never gone so long before. Without." He purses his lips and glances anxiously up at Zevran, perhaps looking for judgment in spite of the man's assertion.
"And sometimes, um." He looks away again. "I just. ...felt better. After." Maker's breath, Harimann, get more pathetic, it's still possible.

[ombranera]

"More settled in your skin. Going without is like an itch, yes?" Ants under the surface, prickling. "Or like...an anxious tension. Something that is relieved after a session."

True to his word- there is no judgement. A little consideration as some juggling would need to be done to find the space and means that satisfied them both- Cade would need to be more forthright with what he required, Zevran more accommodating. More careful. "I understand. Were I not forced to break myself of that particular habit- in a way I will not repeat on anyone- I'd feel much the same on a regular basis. Even then- there are times when...I have that need. It is nothing to be ashamed of."

[onlyhymns]

It didn't seem possible, but Zevran hits the nail on the head. Cade actually seems a little shocked by it, but nods silently; it's easy to forget what he and Zevran have in common, when they're so different otherwise.
The lack of fuss, Zevran's directness, and the promised lack of judgment emboldens Cade somewhat. Not to be overt about anything, heavens no, but at least to be able to nod in agreement with a modicum of confidence.
It's strange, after all these years, to hear it put so concisely, so inoffensively, into words. Least of all the last person in Thedas he ever thought he'd be talking to about something so personal.

[ombranera]

"So long as you are handling it safely and without actually harming yourself- that is why I stepped in at first- there is nothing wrong. Finding someone that can help without doing lasting harm or any harm at all? Is difficult." Tricky in so many ways- another reason he stepped in. He understood. Perhaps he ought to care more- perhaps he ought to be more considerate-

But it is not normally his way. But- Cade is important to Alistair. He will...attempt these tings. "Would you like to arrange something?"

[onlyhymns]

Once again, Cade nods in agreement and relief of Zevran's understanding. Even if he doesn't care. It's not like that's unusual, for the people in Cade's life.
At Zevran's prompt, Cade purses his lips for a moment, then reaches into his jacket to withdraw a small piece of parchment. On it is a veritable laundry list of things he can't get off his mind: from stealing the wine bottle on the night of his breakdown to the disaster that was talking to Beleth to feeling resentful of his superiors.
Without expounding on it, he rests his chin on his hand with a sigh. Yeah, a little bit.

action.

[byblow]

[ After breaking Beleth's heart, Alistair goes back inside and tosses himself into a face-down sprawl across the bed and doesn't move.

Or say anything.

But if Zevran doesn't promptly pay him attention, he does make a muffled whining noise into the mattress. ]

[ombranera]

[ Zevran is busy with ledgers- which makes up most of his life between missions, diaper changes, and teaching his son new words as of late- but paying to feed both the Kestrels and Wardens is no simple matter.

So the whine is required and only then does he reach over to ruffle his hair gently. ]

What is it, Cucciolo?

[byblow]

[ For a moment Alistair doesn't answer, busy experiencing that weird mixture of satisfaction and embarrassment that occurs whenever obvious begging for attention is answered. ]

Belth assme t—

[ He stops because he doesn't know how to phrase exactly what it is Beleth asked him to do. Also because he realizes he probably isn't very easy to understand while talking into blankets. He turns his head sideways enough to clear his mouth and nose. ]

Beleth gave me a ring and said she wanted to be with me.

[ombranera]

[ It is not terribly kind, Zevran's knee jerk reaction. It is horribly unkind, in fact, but he is a terrible person. Alistair knows this. It is nothing new

But it probably brings no comfort for Zevran to lose a moment or ten crackling with laughter. ]


Ah- she truly- I cannot believe I missed the signs.

[byblow]

[ He knows Zevran is occasionally a mean person. And he still doesn't like it. What bits of his face are visible crumple into a sullen glare at the laughter, before he turns his head back down, this time folding his arms under his forehead so there's still room to speak clearly. ]

You're an ass.

[ombranera]

I take it you handled things with your usual grace and that is why you are here, sulking and awkward.

[ Instead of humoring someone both A) far too young in so many ways and B) not suited to him in the slightest. Zevran slides from his chair to sit on the bed next to Alistair, combing his fingers through his hair. ]

It did not go well, Mm?

[byblow]

Of course it didn't go well, [ Alistair complains into the bedding, as if this is somehow Zevran's fault, or the bed's— ] She cried. It was awful. And then I told her she shouldn't have wound herself up over it so much, and she was angry instead—which is better than the crying, I'll take it, but—

[ He sighs. Speaking of winding oneself up too much. Anyway, it's hard to stay wound when he's being petted. ]

I'm an ass.

[ombranera]

How are you an ass, mm? [ Oh dear. He'll have to keep in mind Beleth's friends, people she might have spoken to of this thing, and sort out how to keep them from scowling at Alistair and making him feel worse. ] You let her down gently, she wept.

She is young, she feels things keenly, it is always the end of the world for them at such a time- she will recover. How have you done anything wrong in this?

[byblow]

She's said things. She wrote me a song, ages ago, but I thought she was joking. [ An anguished pause. ] I invited her to stay with me. I should have noticed. [ He lifts his head just so he can knock it back down against his arms in frustration. ] I'm not allowed out unsupervised anymore. Write it down.

[ombranera]

You are not responsible for the emotions and whims of others, Alistair. Caring is well and good but how were you to know? She is not always the most open about what she feels or the most forthright when it comes to expressing them. The fault is not yours. Nor is the fault hers. It is unfortunate, but later you will both look back upon this moment and laugh.

[byblow]

I don't think she's going to laugh.

[ He does sound like he feels better, though. Better enough to squirm around onto his back, with his head kept deliberately in petting range, and fish the ring she gave him out of his pocket.

It isn't fancy in the scheme of fancy things, but it's well-made. Fancy by the standards of people without a lot of money. There's a griffon on it. ]

What do I do with this? I don't want to make her cry again.

[ombranera]

If you've no intention of courting her, you give it back. Gifts given as a sign of a certain manner of sentiment- should that sentiment not be returned? Are not to be kept. Either you can return it or I can return it, either way. I do not recommend keeping it.

If, perhaps, later she offers it to you in a gesture of friendship? By all means. Keep it.

[byblow]

Maker's Breath, I know not to keep it.

[ He. didn't fully know not to keep it. That would have been his guess, though, if he hadn't had Zevran around to confirm it. ]

It's a little specific, that's all, unless she's going to start cycling through Wardens. If it would upset her to have it back I could sell it for her. [ Or: puppy eyes, even though Zevran already offered. ] Would you give it back? Or find out what she wants?

[ombranera]

[ Zevran's hand continues to move through Alistair's hair, as soothing a gesture as he knows. Stepping forward to solve his problems for him-

Alistair is a man grown, this is his to mind. But Beleth is...something. A friend of sorts, he supposes, and she has been wounded in this enough for him to put forth the effort to smooth things over. ]

I'll speak to her tonight. Sooner is better than later.

[ He reaches down, plucking up the ring. ]

[ombranera]

"...I must applaud you for being so organized." Zevran peers at the list, reading item after item in neat script. "Do you wish me to prescribe a certain number of lashes for each offense?"

He refolds the paper and tucks it into his pocket, the gentle curve of his smile proving that no, he is not mocking him- if that is what Cade needs? He will do so. An offer made in all due seriousness. "I will have to find someone to mind my son- would sooner be better than later?"

[ombranera]

Some manner of pun, I am certain- but do tell.

[ He tips his face up enough to peer at Alistair through the darkness, eyes glinting in the dim light. ]

I am, as we elves say, All ears.

[byblow]

[ Bye, ring. You were super cool while you lasted. ]

Thanks, Zev.

[ He figures the fact that he owes him goes without saying. He'll change a diaper or something. ]

[byblow]

[ Alistair makes a noise that's midway between a laugh and augh. As if he has any right to protest Zevran's joke, given what he's about to say: ]

A bunny ribbit.

[ombranera]

You are welcome, Cucciolo.

[ He spoils Alistair, truly. And yet he cannot quite find it in himself to help it- spoiling one's family is what one does-

Along with mock them regularly. It feels like repayment enough for his more mean spirited barbs. ]

Give it time. You will both feel less horrible later.

[ombranera]

...that is terrible. [ He snorts all the same, shaking his head. ] Tell that one to Lucci in the morning. He will giggle for an hour.